Dear Annie: I have a problem I’ve been struggling with for quite some time. I am in my late 40s and have been married for over half my life. For the past five years or so, I have been dealing with the idea that I may be gay. I have always kind of felt that I could be, but I went the traditional route and married a man.
Thinking back to my younger days, I was never interested much in the boys or men around me. I dated many, but I never felt anything for them. My husband was different; I actually did have feelings for him, and I still love him very much. I have told him that I have these other feelings and can’t help but fear I may have missed out on something more. He’s heard me out but hasn’t had much to say about it. Instead, he’s pretty much just ignored it, probably hoping it would go away.
My husband and I have not been very close for quite a while, so I can’t help thinking I could be experiencing a life more in line with my true self. I don’t want to have any regrets when I get older, but I did make a commitment when I married. I am so torn. I have been seeing a therapist, but we never seem to talk much about this issue. She plays it off, almost the same as my husband. Am I making too much of this? Should I give up thinking about it? Do you have any suggestions as to how I could deal with this?
— Married, But Maybe the Grass Is Greener on the Other Side
Dear Married, But: It sounds like you are not so much thinking about these things but rather feeling feelings, and no one is listening to you. If your husband and therapist are both sweeping your feelings under the rug, it’s time to find a new therapist. Seek the help of a real professional and go to marriage counseling with your husband. Whether this is a midlife crisis or your real feelings, you deserve to be happy.
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