Dear Annie: I’ve been divorced for a long time. My ex-husband, “Joe,” is living with “Sue.” She is the one who broke us up. I don’t care about that part anymore; she can have him.
I’m upset because my granddaughter got married recently, and they gave Sue a corsage, too. When I saw them give it to her, I said to myself, “What the heck?” My other daughter was with me and she said, “Get over it, Ma.” I was hurt but said nothing.
After the wedding, when they were taking pictures, they said, “Let’s have the grandparents.” Sue walked up with my ex. Again, I said nothing.
My ex is not married to Sue, even though they have been together for a long time, which is why my other daughter said she got the flowers. Does sleeping with Grandpa make you Grandma? These are my granddaughters. I birthed their mothers. I gave up my weekends to babysit the granddaughters. I picked them up from day care and took them to my house until someone could pick them up. I was always there. Do I have to share my title of Grandma with Grandpa’s girlfriend?
— Am I Wrong
Dear Am I Wrong: Love is not a finite resource. That your granddaughters show love to Sue does not mean they care any less for you.
The fact is that this isn’t about you vs. Sue or even you vs. your ex. Whether or not you think it’s fair, they are both going to be a part of your children’s and grandchildren’s lives. Now it’s for you to decide how you’ll behave. I suggest you try out being the bigger person. You might be amazed how much better you feel.
And remember, Sue is not the one who broke you up: Give your ex-husband the credit for that.
Where to write: Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.