Donilee Rinehart, 59, kept a secret for decades - from everyone.

She had served in the Navy for three years in the late 1960s and during that time she was raped.

After leaving the military, Ms. Rinehart went on to find success in her chosen career as a school administrator, which coincided with her inability to come to terms with the assaults she experienced as an adult and as a child.

“I spent most of my adult life trying to hide it,” she said.

Ms. Rinehart didn’t want anyone to know about the assault, believing that knowledge of the rape would cause her to lose jobs.

“I didn’t like myself, I thought it was my fault and I didn’t know how to deal with it and I didn’t know there was help,” she said.

Alcohol was one means of escape, but she eventually got sober and stayed that way for 21 years, before lapsing.

Ms. Rinehart said she began drinking again, “treating herself with alcohol,” and eventually tried to kill herself, because she couldn’t deal with the memories of the rape or childhood incest.

She wound up at the Waco VA and it was during the detoxification process the VA learned Ms. Rinehart had been sexually assaulted while in the military.

“I didn’t know I had talked to them about it because it was something I had always kept as a secret,” Ms. Rinehart said.

It was in Waco she learned of the Women’s Trauma Recovery Center at the Temple VA where there was a seven-week residential treatment program for women who had experienced military sexual trauma.

Ms. Rinehart had been in therapy for a number of years, but really didn’t know what was wrong.

“I didn’t know what the problem was, but I knew I couldn’t live with myself,” she said. “I didn’t know there were other people having the same things going on in their lives.”

Like many who have suffered in silence, on the outside it appeared Ms. Rinehart was doing well, but she had been in turmoil for years.

“I was so sick on the inside,” she said. “I couldn’t deal with people. I couldn’t have personal relationships. I couldn’t trust anybody.”

Military law, men supposedly of honor, the Navy - all had failed her.

“I had served honorably and they had treated me dishonorably,” Ms. Rinehart said.

The irony was Ms. Rinehart had joined the Navy at age 17 to escape incest at home, but the military proved to be equally unsafe.

Those who made up the professional staff of the Women’s Trauma Recovery Center team were outstanding, she said of the treatment program.

All were able to develop trusting relationships with the participating veterans and deal with both the sexual trauma each woman had experienced and the problems that grew from the trauma.

“It was quite intensive, but that’s what it had to be,” Ms. Rinehart said. “The things we talked about were things we had never been able to discuss before.”

“I had no idea I was suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome) and had been for years,” she said.

After the residential program is complete the women are offered aftercare and it’s an opportunity to meet more women who had similar histories and continue to heal.

“It’s the best thing that ever happened to me … not the jobs, not the degrees,” Ms. Rinehart said of the VA program. “I just wish it happened earlier in my life.”

Today, Ms. Rinehart said she feels stronger.

The recovery program enabled the women to begin trusting each other.

“I see my friends differently and they see me differently,” she said. “They used to wonder what it was that wasn’t quite right. Why it was that I was so private. Why I stayed to myself so much.”

Because of the delay in treatment, Ms. Rinehart said she has regrets about missed opportunities.

“It’s bittersweet, though I’m thankful there was someone who recognized what had happened to me,” she said. “I didn’t think anyone would ever be able to help me.”

jgibbs@temple-telegram.com