It’s hard to believe the two Fort Hood soldiers have been married for four years, and harder still to believe that during their marriage, they’ve hardly spent an entire year together.
To say that Melina and Matthew Cowan know a thing or two about the hardships that come with serving their country is something of an understatement.
Both have experienced hardships of their own that may pale in comparison to a few thousand miles of separation.
Melina, who is a 12-year veteran, joined the Army to support her children while Matthew, who’d been unable to find a job, joined seven years ago to support himself.
“It was just the quickest way to get away from home,” Matthew Cowan said.
In 2004, they both found themselves stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. They met and married, and only days after they were married, the newlywed couple went their separate ways for a year.
Since then, they’ve been deployed to Iraq and to Korea, Honduras, Egypt and points in between.
“We can probably calculate easier how much time we spent apart, than together,” Melina Cowan said.
In February, Matthew Cowan, a 1st Cavalry soldier, returned from a 15-month tour in Iraq, and when he did they took that long awaited honeymoon.
“We went to Jamaica and the Cayman Islands,” said Melina Cowan, who is with the 502nd Dental Company. “We’d been planning that for a year and it finally actually happened.”
While the separations have been difficult on the couple, it is equally hard on the children.
“One time we both had to leave,” she said. “When the kids left for school, they had parents and when they came home, both of us was gone to two different places. He left to go to Honduras and I went to Egypt, both of us on the same day,” she said.
Avis Gary, 18, a senior at Ellison High School, and her brother, Charles Gary, 15, a student at Nolan Middle School, have lived through every bit of the hardship that comes with a dual military family, and along the way the siblings have learned a lot about themselves.
“It sucks,” Charles Gary said. “Usually when they are both home, my grades are way up there, but when one leaves, they drop.”
Charles said it gets harder and harder to adjust with each subsequent deployment or when one or both of them are in the field.
For Avis, it is also difficult.
Her stepfather left Wednesday to attend the Basic Non-Commissioned Officer Course in Fort Leonard Wood, Mo., and as a result, will miss her high school graduation.
“It’s just crazy sometimes,” she said. “I get used to them being here.”
Although it is rare when both parents are gone at the same time, when it happens, Avis and Charles are looked after by family friends in the Killeen and Fort Hood area.
“We are never really alone,” Avis said.
Both Matthew and Melina will deploy to Iraq in 2009 when the 1st Cavalry Division returns for its fourth rotation.
It will be Matthew’s third tour of Iraq, while Melina will be going for the first time.
And during their preparation to leave again, they will be spending their longest stretch of time together in one place.
In the meantime, Charles and Avis are enjoying what time they will have, and preparing for the departure of both mom and dad next year.
This time, however, the children will be taking a more active and a more adult role and it has already begun.
Avis, who hopes to pursue a degree in business administration one day, has become a pro at preparing grocery lists, cooking, taking care of family finances and other day-to-day chores that most adults groan about.
“I think they can do it,” Melina said. “They will be prepared.”
The thought of leaving Charles and Avis alone for so long leaves Melina and Matthew with mixed feelings.
“It’s frightening,” Matthew joked when asked about leaving the kids with all their possessions for a year.
When the parents return from this latest deployment in 2010, things will have changed dramatically.
Avis will mostly likely have finished an associate’s degree and could be on her way to realizing her dream of owning a beauty salon, while Charles will be a sophomore in high school.
For now, they are just enjoying the feeling that comes with being a whole family and learning a valuable lesson about love and commitment.
“Sometimes time apart is good because it helps you build on that relationship,” Matthew said. “Then when you reunite, everything is like the first time all over again.”
Melina smiles at hearing Matthew’s answer and while she agrees that a long separation might make the reunions sweeter, there is a special glue that bonds them and she summed it up in one word: “God.”
“It’s God and our love for each other,” she said. “Knowing that God is going to bring him back safe. That’s the stabilization in our relationship.”
