But why stop there? Instead of limiting ourselves to just the previous 365 days, here’s a toast to things never brought to mind and days of auld lang syne.
- To baseball pants that stopped just below the knees, stirrup socks with the little arch in front and the big arch in back and bullpen cars that looked like giant caps.
- To a time when stadium and arena names were picturesque (Candestick Park, Market Square Arena, Boston Garden) instead of capitalistic (Lucas Oil Stadium, Quicken Loans Arena, Jobing.com Arena), when the Orange Bowl was actually played in the Orange Bowl and the national championship game was on New Year’s Day.
- To the days when children could actually watch the end of a World Series game or see a player make a tackle at the line of scrimmage, then just turn and walk back to the huddle.
- To barefoot kickers, Shell’s Wonderful World of Golf, breaks during football games for “You Make the Call” and Golden Gloves boxing.
- To turning on the television and seeing the Harlem Globetrotters, indoor soccer, Australian rules football, Battle of the Superstars or that Wide World of Sports event where the guy ice skates really fast and tries to jump over some barrels.
- To afternoons spent playing Strat-O-Matic baseball, electric football with vibrating players, that cardboard basketball game where you flip levers on the side of the box to shoot and handheld electronic games in which the players are just illuminated dashes.
- To the eras when boxing was still legitimate, Keith Jackson still did play-by-play and the price of five tickets, five hot dogs, three foam fingers and a program wasn’t more than the gross national product of Tunisia.
- To the days when hitters didn’t have to adjust their batting gloves, cup and helmet after the pitcher made a throw to first base and there weren’t commercial breaks after extra points and the ensuing kickoff.
- To sportscasters who said, “Tonight, the Celtics beat the Hawks, 108-103,” and nothing else, coaches who said what an honor it was to be at a bowl game and meant it, and players who said, “Hi, Mom” to the sideline camera.
- To forgiving Bill Buckner, Steve Bartman, Jim Marshall and Chris Webber - but not Leon Lett.
- To the NFL’s use of instant replay indeed being instant, free throws that are free, a once-and-for-all explanation of the Davis Cup and the outlawing of oxymoronic team names such as Utah Jazz, Los Angeles Lakers and Wabash (Ind.) Little Giants.
- To changes in history so that Mike Renfro’s catch in the corner of the end zone in the freezing Pittsburgh rain during the 1979 AFC championship game would be correctly ruled as an Oilers touchdown; so that Cowboys defensive back Everson Walls would leap in front of 49ers tight end Dwight Clark instead of behind him in the 1981 NFC championship game; so that U.S. captain Curtis Strange would get locked in his hotel room and thereby be unable to deliver his back-loaded singles lineup for the final day of the 2002 Ryder Cup at The Belfry; and so that caddie Jim “Bones” MacKay would snap Phil Mickelson’s driver in half before ever stepping foot on the 72nd tee of the 2006 U.S. Open at Winged Foot.
- To having a happy New Year and taking a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne (or at least for “Mean” Joe Greene in exchange for his jersey).
edrennan@temple-telegram.com
