Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. Everything was good until three years ago when a woman contacted me to tell me that she’d been seeing him. She apologized to me for it. After we got off the phone, I found her on Facebook and realized that they’d been “liking” each other’s posts for years. She even posted a photo of them together, and someone had commented making a sexual joke about them. They’d both replied and laughed.
So, I confronted my boyfriend, and he stopped — or so I thought. Then, six months ago, I found charges on his credit card statement for some local hotel! I confronted him, and he brushed it off, said it hadn’t been him.
We have smart security cameras at our front and back door, and ever since I confronted him about the middle-of-the-night hotel charges, he’s disabled my ability to access the camera feeds from my phone. But I can always tell when he’s with her because he won’t answer his phone. (Otherwise, he always answers his phone.) I just hate the thought that the last 10 years were for nothing.
— Had It Up to Here
Dear HIUTH: Make decisions based on your future, not on your past. You’re caught up in the sunk cost fallacy — continuing your current relationship just because you’ve already spent so much time in it and don’t want it to have been a waste. The thing is, it wasn’t really a waste. Consider the good moments you’ve had, even with your boyfriend. Consider the tough, character-building moments, too. It’s all added up to a meaningful period of growth and lessons you can take into the next decade — after leaving this lecher in the last. Which you must do, pronto.
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